For a lot of us, finding love is a maddening, elusive process. For matchmakers, it's just another day in the office.
So INSIDER asked New York City matchmaker Nora DeKeyser of Three Day Rule to share some of the most important things she's learned about finding love and making it last. Here's what she had to say.
Look at yourself first.
It's fine to have a 'checklist' of qualities you desire in a potential mate — just remember that you need to be the kind of person who will actually attract your fictitious dream partner.
"A question that most people unintentionally ignore is: Do I personally live up to the expectations that I have for someone else? And often the answer is no," DeKeyser said. "It is easy to come up with a list of 'must-haves' in a partner, but it is a lot harder to turn that list around and judge yourself. If you are not passionate about your life, how are you going to attract someone who is? If you are not living your life true to your values, how are you going to attract someone who does?"
The solution? Take time to work on yourself, DeKeyser explained. Strive to be more like the kind of person you want to attract.
Remember: Looks fade quickly.
You already know that looks don't last, so don't let them dictate your search for a long-term partner.
"When a client tells me his or her physical 'musts,' I like to use the analogy of friends," DeKeyser said. "Think about your three best friends at work. They probably all look extremely different, but they all have qualities in common that you choose to surround yourself with — humor, intellect, empathy, altruism, honesty — whatever it is that you enjoy."
When you're searching for a romantic partner, think about searching for those qualities you enjoy — not just blonde hair or guys taller than 6 feet.
"You will be surprised at the way your heart can teach your brain to become attracted to someone," DeKeyser said. "Look at that person's soul. If you like it, hold onto it."
Don’t force marriage.
"In American society, we have an idea of the right age to get married. But just because you have been dating someone for four years, and you are 31 years old, does not mean that you need to get married," DeKeyser said.
The bottom line: Trust your gut. If you're not ready to get married, don't. You could be saving your future self from yourself a world of trouble.
"I meet people every day who have gone through and endless paychecks settling nasty divorces," DeKeyser said. "If [marriage] doesn’t feel right, it’s not right. Don't settle."
See the rest of the story at Business Insider