8 things to know before you get married

The INSIDER Summary

• Being in a relationship sometimes involves having tough conversations with your other half.
• If you're thinking about committing to your partner, these are the convos you should have before saying "I do."
  

Many modern couples live together long before their wedding day, meaning they’ve already figured out who’s going to wash dishes and clean the bathroom, and which mid-fight button-pushing will send a small disagreement into nuclear territory. There are, however, some conversations you should definitely have before marriage, even if you’ve already figured out the living together part. Read on to discover eight conversations to have before you get married.

1. Debt and finances

Long before your wedding, sit down with your partner and have a frank discussion about your financial situation. If either of you have debt — student loan or otherwise — be honest about it; hiding it will only hurt you down the road. Likewise, if you have bad credit because of a past mistake or financial tumble, tell your partner and discuss ways to improve your credit score together. This is also a good time to talk about how you’ll handle your finances going forward. For example, if you’re planning to buy a home, maybe it makes more sense to apply for a mortgage in just one of your names.

2. Kids and parenting

You definitely need to discuss whether or not you want to have kids, but beyond that, find out your partner’s expectations around parenting. Do either of you want to be a stay-at-home parent? Do both of you want to continue working full-time? If so, will your kids go to daycare, or have a nanny? Can someone in your family take care of the kids? This is also a good time to discuss whether or not you want to raise your kids in a certain religion. (You’d be surprised how many young people aren’t religious but want to imbue their kids with some kind of spirituality!)

3. Moving to a new city or state

Times are tough and many people find themselves forced to move to new cities or states for work or affordable housing. Talk to your partner about his or her willingness to move — even if that just means moving to a new neighborhood or suburb — in the near future and down the road. If your partner is adamant about remaining in place, try to uncover his or her tipping point. Perhaps your future husband is concerned that you won’t make enough money to support a move out of state, but if the job pays X amount, he’d be more willing. Or maybe your future wife wants to be close to her family when you have kids, but would be willing to try out a new city in the meantime.