The INSIDER Summary:
- We all know marriage involves a lot of commitment.
- But there's more we can learn, especially from those who have seen couples struggle and ultimately fail.
- From voicing your needs to learning how to work as a team, divorce lawyers dish out their best marriage advice.
Word on the street is that we millennials are pretty awesome at marriage. Our tendency to wait longer than our predecessors to tie the knot — along with our generally more deliberate approach to making major life plans — has contributed to a steady decline in the divorce rate over the last three years. (Is it too soon to say that this might be one of our greatest accomplishments as a generation? If so, we’re calling it early.) Though we do seem to kind of be killing it at this whole “being married” thing, we’re not too proud to admit that we’re still constantly on the hunt for the best advice on wedded life that we can get our hands on.
For these pearls of wisdom, we typically turn to relationship experts and couples who have successfully lived their lives together for decades. But what about the people who’ve had a front row seat to what some might call failures of the institution of marriage? Yes — we’re talking about divorce lawyers. These professionals have met with tons of couples struggling in the depths of coupledom’s greatest challenges, so if anyone is prepared to identify potential red flags in our relationships, these attorneys are about as qualified as they come. Keep reading for eight brilliant nuggets of marriage advice from the legal minds working on the front lines of so-called marriage battles each and every day.
Do things together
It may sound simple, but according to Alabama attorney Caleb Ballew, too many couples don’t do it — which often lands them smack in the middle of divorce court. Do more than just sit on the couch wordlessly watching TV: Get active outside of your day-to-day routine! "If a couple is spending planned time together and sharing in activities and events" Ballew explains, "then each will have a shared sense of enjoyment over money spent and [will] share relaxation time from work or kids."
Look out for narcissistic tendencies early on
Florida lawyer Eric Klein knows all too well what happens to relationships when narcissistic, misogynistic, or other toxic (or abusive) behaviors surface after the wedding day. "When these issues do appear, sometimes they appear slowly and gradually to a point where one partner or spouse does not realize it — nor do they want to acknowledge it — for years," he reveals. To avoid this recipe for an unhappy (and still potentially lengthy) marriage, be mindful of red flags (an exaggerated sense of self importance, a sense of entitlement, and arrogance, to name a few) before you even say, "I do."
Don't bring work home
We know that the to-do list sitting on your desk at the office feels perpetually overwhelming, but we urge you to resist the temptation to carry those tasks into the hours of the day when you’re supposed to be off the clock. If the promise of that precious (yet seemingly unattainable) thing called "work-life balance" isn’t enough to convince you, then we’ll defer to Dallas divorce attorney Aubrey Connatser. The founder of Connatser Family Law in Dallas, TX, Connatser also happens to be married to a fellow lawyer, and she tells us that she and her partner make a point to leave their cases and files at work before turning their attention to matters at home.
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